Well that is AWFUL I don’t know how that smear of cat poop got on the floor by the rocking chair to be sure. I think the poop pirates came in the night and had a poop party.
Yes, now that I think about it I’m quite sure I heard the the poop pirates living it up last night. They went ARRR and SCURVY LANDLUBBERS and SWAB ME DOUBLOONS and BELAY THE POOP DECK (see?) and then they maliciously dropped poop on the ground and glued poop to cats’ bu—waaauuugggh why’re you pulling on my bloomers
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHY ARE THE SCISSORS THERE
LEMME GO I’M GONNA PUNCH YOU SO HARD
what have I done to deserve such treatment
ugh and now I can feel the wind against my butt, it feels WEIRD
also it hurts my feelings that you didn’t believe me about the poop pirates.
What’s that, you say? A fuzzy bathroom rug, you say? One that traps cat hair?
WELL CONSIDER ME TRAPPED.
This is the very best thing to sleep on. Except for the couch. And the dining room table. And the coffee table. And the office chairs. Also the bed, when the girl isn’t careful and I sneak into the bedroom like a ninja. A really beautiful ninja. The most beautiful ninja. It’s like a ninja and all cat beauty queens ever had a perfect baby, and that baby was me.
‘Scuse me, time to sleep like a punctuation mark on the bathroom rug.
Things that are paying attention to me, Callisto:
Tags: cats are never hooligans because clearly, i want to be wherever you are why is that so hard to understand?, the doorknob is the best thing to hit, you're not petting me now and that is a problem